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If the world ends tomorrow. I feel like it was somehow Sarah Palin's fault. 
There is nothing worse than smelling something disgusting and you're sitting by yourself. Is it me? Is it blowing in through the window? Is there a corpse rotting in the corner?
After seeing Jennifer Aniston new boyfriend, I just realized that possibly I did have a chance....
.If you have someone great in your life hold on to them and pull them close and keep them tight to you,if not someone else will.
OMG!!! Anthony Weiner's wife is pregnant. Talk about a weiner working overtime....
The Awkward moment when this random person waves at you, so you wave back and then you figure out they where waving to the person behind you :O
For most things there's MasterCard For everything else there's Vodka
I have seen the future, and the future is mustache rides.
Why does Bob Dylan sound like the Cookie Monster and Marge Simpsons love child?
After an evening of being snubbed at the Grammys, Justin Bieber reportedly spent the entire day in his Snuggie, crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Humilated, Bieber was quoted as saying "I regret the day I was ever hatched"
Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.
A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.
A RECENT POLICE STUDY FOUND THAT YOU'RE MUCH MORE LIKELY TO GET SHOT BY A FAT COP IF YOU RUN....
God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden.
I wonder if Penn state is going to change there mascots name from the Nittany Lion, to the Penn state pedophiles?
You know a girl has been recently dumped when she post stuff like, “I don't need any love from any man. I only need to love and be loved by ONE man. He is the Son of God, JESUS!”
What's with all this bullying crap ... Bullying has been around since the T'rex punked a lizard . You want to stop bullying teach your kid how to defend themselves , bullies hate a fight .
The Bible says h*mosexuality is wrong. I forget the exact chapter. But it’s there somewhere between the talking snake and the virgin birth.
This just in fromm CNN Prophet Mohammed seen eating a BLT on Rye ... More news at 11 back to you Bill
No woman will ever be truely satisfied on valentines day, because no man will ever have a chocolate peni$ that ejacul@tes money. 