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I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted multiple organisms. I'll return the petri dishes back to the lab. 
"LMAO!!" - Magneto, when he was confronted by Iron Man.
That uneasy moment when you work at Subway and have to make a girl a sandwich.
Without coffee and alcohol, we'd all hate each other a whole lot more.
Halloween.. The only time of the year where it's ok to take candy from a stranger..
1-800-You~Wish.....To chat with hot, sexy girls in your area you'll never see or touch.
Makes you wonder if Cedar Point tourism will be down next year. Pretty sure no kid is gonna be too excited to go see Sandusky...
I should be noticed as a hero, I save lives EVERY DAY...because there are people who need to be shot and I don't shoot them.
One time at a job interview, I was asked: "What can you bring to this company?" I told them: "paper clips, lots of paper clips"
My circle of friends is a dot.
Cats are pet tigers for midgets.
Dear Eminem, Not only did yousteal our name but we're both black on theinside too. Sincerly, M&M'S
Told my dealer I wanted a sh*tload of Coke but auto-correct changed it to shipload now I owe a Colombian cartel 18 million dollars.
Men think girls don't get mad for no reason. there's always a reason. no matter how small it is or how dumb it is. it's still considered a reason
No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.
if you comment on a picture from a year ago, you are a stalker...
Scientists predict that at the rate the polar ice caps are melting, Nicole Kidman's face will unfreeze by 2015.
Let's give thanks we live in a country where political disagreements are expressed with poorly spelled Facebook posts instead of missiles.
All I'm saying is if I lost my arm in a light saber battle, my robot replacement arm better vibrate.
I'm doing 'Mexican Yoga' tonight. It's just sitting at the back of a regular yoga class with a bottle of tequila. 