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I don't make typos, I make new words. 
"We can't see eye to eye all the time." -- Someone who wants to 69
♥ ♥ ♥ Heartworms ♥ ♥ ♥ Not as cute as they sound.
The other JFK is appropriately called JFK Junior you other big dummy.
In Asia, they give it up for rent.
What I hate most about Twitter: Is finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commi
"God made a few perfect heads, the rest he had to cover with hair."
My wife is leaving me because she says I'm a compulsive liar. I think she knows about me and Beyonce...
I've reached that time of day on a Friday afternoon when I know I'm not going to get anything worthwhile done so the only solution is to not even bother
oh no! Just got an Android phone..And I dont know how to copy an paste! All my friends must think I'm dead!
I wonder if AM realises how bad it sucks compared to PM and FM?
My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs.
Everything magically appears when your mom looks for it.
And to save enough money on gas to make up the extra cost of buying the hybrid, you'll be gassing up for the next 13 years. And the SUV's will still be laughing, Just longer and louder.
I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me.
I scream.. You scream.. We're all screaming... (This is awesome!!!)
Like if you remember ... TONIGHT let it be Lowenbrau !!
It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when someone likes you.
You're inspirational Facebook update: ❒Inspires me. ✔Wastes my time. ✔ Inspires me to unfriend you.
SWAGGER is temporary but CLASS is permanent! 