Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
wonders when when when will I learn to post an independent congrats and not reply to an announcement so that I won't get fifty-seven updates while every other kind person offers their congratulations? 
Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.
Salsa, Olives, Sour Cream Dip, Spread it on a layer of Tortilla Chips, You add some guacomole and some melted cheese, your mouth just made a touchdown right here on NBC!
I went to the lundromat where there was a sign that read: "Remove clothes immediatley when the buzzer rings!" Needless to say my astonishment when A: I realize I'm the only one in the place naked and B:I was getting tossed out by management!
just like the rent, too damn high.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Has not been hitting a lot of homeruns here lately but is swinging a big bat..
Was trying to sign up for a website... It ask me what state I lived in... I couldn't find confusion nowhere in the drop box...
rumor is that Tipper Gore is suing for half the Internet.
it just a coincidence that batteries and bras come in the same sizes?
... The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOUR WHAT".
it´s only funny until someone gets hurt... then it becomes hilarious
Came out the gym the other day and someone asked me how I got that body.I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was".
perfected the art of making Ramen Noodles in the microwave!
About that pumpkin.. line the cut edges with cooking oil to keep that jack-o'-lantern fresh for a longer time.
The deaf can now also enjoy phone sex......... by texting
You should consider buying a new car when you have to rearrange the seats whenever you hit a pothole.
screaming obscenities at my computer because my essay is due tomorrow and it just crashed. My name is X, and Windows 7 was my idea.
Where would the world be without music?
Bought a dog that gives up chasing a cat after about 10 seconds. So I'm calling it Quits. 