Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I sure hope the royal divorce is as hyped as the royal wedding. 
This alcohol diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.
I need a stunt double because I am so damn tired of jumping through hoops!
The mannequin challenge was invented when a democrat was offered a job...
I'm so glad we don't have a Democrat president or else everyone would be crying.....wait everyone is!
Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.
If you want to repeal something, please for the love of God don't replace it with nothing!
I know his chest pain was not cause by his heart, because he doesn't have one
I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake and a hug as a greeting instead of the whole a$$ sniffing thing.
MASA - Make America Smart Again
I just want someone that can draw perfect circles. No weird Os
Happy MILK day...!
Got kicked out of Star Fleet for using the transporter to catch up to the ice cream man after I’ve missed him going down my street.
It's fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can't tell.
Just like a bunch of brown NBA players to blame the cops when a brutha breaks the law...
I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
What do I call people who don't like Halloween? Boring. I call them boring.
Jokes on you, kids who put shaving cream on my car... I was gonna shave my car anyway.
I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
You had me at "family history of premature death". 