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War does not determine who is right – only who is left 
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I'm upgrading to the tugboat!
went to Barnes & Noble and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose...
Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!,
In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
I saw Toy Story 3 and Barbie gave me a Woody!!
hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye
Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.
Looking through a girls photos and thinking "slut..slut..slut..slut" :D
You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts!
If I had a choice between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea, I wouldn't want a garbanzo bean on my face.
The sequel to the book Fear willbe TEARS he's still president.
Where do I go to get my free crack pipe. . . Asking for a friend.
Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Landline phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 11
After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)
I would listen to everything Dana Loesch says because she's friggin' hot!
(inventor of the ladder) I’m gonna french kiss that giraffe
Sorry I robbed a bank, stole a car and snorted cocaine officer, it was the Ambien.
If the baby ain't yo color, Ya ain't the Daddy Brotha ! 