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I enjoy long hugs and slow kisses. 
its goin to be drizzy outside.......so expect a lil wayne
Yesterday my coworker gave me the finger but today we're cool... this morning he high 4'd me.
Mark Zukerberg should have changed his status instead of Married..to "Its Complicated" - looking at his failing IPO
Nemo is such a badass. He was the first one of his friends to touch a butt
To my beautiful friends in Denver. You have London by your side today. Go Broncos!
If you #FeeltheBern you may want to see a doctor. You probably have a UTI or STD.
No thanks women who lift weights, only one of us must look like a man in this relationship
LBJ. 36th President or Mexican porn star??
Funny, I have not heard Tracy Morgan say "cracker" in a few days.
My Hamster passed today,,,, Yeah, he fell asleep at the wheel.... :(
There is a guy here at work who calls me "Chief." There's another a guy here who calls me "Partner." They must think I'm a double-agent in some secret Cowboys and Indians war.
BATMAN: I am the guardian of the night SPIDERMAN: With great power comes great responsibility CATWOMAN: Guys, help, I'm stuck in a tree.
[live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's Angel.......next question
Just paid $3 to beat level 79! FML #candycrushproblems
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
Remember,,,, there is no I in denial
Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)
For those of you that were wondering about my brackets: [ ] { } [ ] { } and [ ] { }
Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be. 