Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone can have a wank under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s like, take whatever bag you want. 😂
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  



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