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C.L.A.S.S. -Come Late And Start Socializing 
whatever happened to Rodney Allen Rippy? I loved that kid.
I'm going to reserve judgement on the Super Committee until I see them in their costumes........
My boss asked me if I was trying to give him a heart attack, I'm guessing by my smug smile and walk off he got his answer.
Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian might be the first time in history that the roles have been reversed and a ball player has trapped a hoe.
Lil Wayne will not be upstaged by the Carter/Knowles clan tonight. When he brings Drake out to announce Drakes pregnant by him.
My wife has been looking through the window every since it started raining this morning.
I suppose I should let her back in.
When I went into Rehab the sign over the door said "Abandon all dope, ye who enter."
Having a degree doesn't mean you're talented, it just means you're educated.
A Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV walk into a bar... I’ve forgotten the rest!
Everyone is wearing masks & school starts back soon....the teachers are gonna sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....wah wah wah
ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935
If you find a girl that makes you laugh, keep her because women are not funny.
I looked at the keyboard earlier and I noticed 'U' & 'I' are together...it's meant to be! Then I looked underneath it and it said JK.
My dog’s dinner: premium organic grain-free no salt or sugar GM free 80% meat 20% veg My dinner: Haribo
Do I have to have watch Spiderman one, two, three, one, two, one, and two to understand what’s going on in Spiderman 3?
Taco Bell wouldn’t be so popular if indoor plumbing didn’t exist
my dr just scheduled my colonoscopy on valentine’s day, do I take flowers or…?
Gwyneth Paltrow should invent a candle that smells like a brand new can of Play-Doh
An educational show for children about the importance of treating your toys nicely: Breaking Bad 