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Which tastes better, Coke or Pepsi? Neither. The answer is Beer. 
What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
The people who doesn't believe we landed on the moon in 1969 are the same people who wears tin foil hats, thinking almost everything a is a conspiracy orchestrated by someone with nothing to do.
Let’s change the Redskins name to DC Marvels!
I don't usually play these games, but I'm bored. Fill in the blanks.
Banks account #:
Routing #:
Name on debit card:
Pin number #:
CCV #:
Expiration date:
Police came to my house to tell me my dog chased someone on a bike. My dog doesn't even have a bike.
All I want for Christmas is a stimulus check.
How do you know if someone doesn't watch the Superbowl? Don't worry they'll announce it on Facebook!
Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas.
Never allow making a living to become such an obsession to where it prevents you from actually living.
Vodka…deleting memories since…uhh….......
New Spotify subscription: Crosby Stills Nash & Rogan
Stop listening to amateur meteorologists on social media! Get your weather predictions from chunky dirt rodents this week like the good Lord intended.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something
I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.
The media is terrible!!! They should have really help that beached whale (Christie) back into the water!! But no!! They just take pics and publish.
"Jesus loves you" is a nice thing to hear in church. But not in prison.
What do women want? They don't know. When do they want it? Right now!!
Well, Kanye West did marry into the Kardashian’s so you can just imagine the levels of stupidity in that house 