Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Oral sex does not mean talking about it. 
Chemists do it on the table...periodically.
I need a good cry... I think I'll go weigh myself.
My car has a luxurious heated steering wheel (in the months of June-August)
I see your rules, and raise you my complete disregard.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I thought at this stage of my life, I would have at least one concubine.
Before you send me an invite to your event, please familiarise yourself with my diva demands.
You can burn calories by having sex! Related: Looking for a workout partner.
A good drinking game; watch Wheel of Fortune and do a shot for every time they applause.
We ignore those who need us and need those who ignore us....
Shouting "Ewok porn!" during a brainstorming session is neither "productive" nor "funny" apparently.
I wonder how awkward it was for the guy who invented clapping: *claps* "What're you doing??" Not Sure...but it sounds encouraging
Best pick up line? Lets go eat. I'm paying!
With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.
Well, I got the new restraining order today. So if anyone needs a stalker I am available. I have some mad stalking skills plus references.
Every day above ground is a good day.
RIP Donna Summer NOW we will never know who left the cake out in the rain
Time does not heal all wounds. Case in point, leave a gunshot wound untreated and see where that lands you.
If Facebook really wanted to entertain us, they'd make it a requirement for people to share their "mental status" in addition to each new status update. 