Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I’ll always be the one who got away.

   Korean scientists have announced that have successfully cloned two Macaques! It's impossible to tell them apart..said one of the monkeys!!

   Don’t send me the 1 pic you liked lemme see the hundred you didn’t like

   I sexually identify as please stop talking to me.

   My mating call is the sound of a lone chainsaw in the night.

   I just added Fabrizio Brambilla as one of my friends...According to all the messenger posts I received he is a bad dude..I felt sorry for him and felt he needed a friend

   I'm far from distancing my self from anything.

   Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.

   I like when people call me "Sir." I just wish they wouldn't follow it up with "You're making a scene."

   I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I've been on in 4 years.

   I wish I was confident enough to wear a pink, all velvet track suit with a fanny pack.

   ME: [bird watching] PIGEON: [looking out window] Babe he’s back.

   Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   I say, Tiffany Cormier has some pretty interesting things to say.

   "You complete me" ~ Me talking to my phone charger.

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.

   :) Fun fact: Coca cola (coke) and other cola drinks would be green if not for the caramel coloring they add to it.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. I need bail money.

   A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!