Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon How to Defeat Bears: 1) Play dead. 2) Stand up tall. 3) Have them use Jay Cutler as their quarterback.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guarantees in life: 1) Death. 2) A restaurant server will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill.
←Rate | 10-14-2016 03:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it..
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Social Media is a cruel and shallow disingenuous trench, a long cyber hallway where lies and anger run free, and good people are treated like dogs. There's also a negative side.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 10:15 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon During times of Universal Deceit, Telling the Truth becomes a Revolutionary Act.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After five minutes of talking to you I can already tell that all these books on your shelves are just for decoration.
←Rate | 10-27-2016 05:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I now have 921 friends on my friends list and I just wanted to let you know that you are all awesome people and I love each and everyone of you!!! <3 Except #631
←Rate | 11-15-2018 22:19 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 15 pounds before eating your Thanksgiving dinner. Happy Thanksgiving :-)
←Rate | 11-18-2018 14:49 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always choose a proctologist with a good butt-side manner.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ha ha suckas....Pie and Cake are safer to eat than salad!
←Rate | 11-21-2018 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after Deer .
←Rate | 11-28-2018 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu Fighting.
←Rate | 12-01-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The subtle art of knowing better but doing it anyway.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 22:15 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.
←Rate | 12-05-2018 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 04:12 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
←Rate | 12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire...
←Rate | 02-03-2019 11:01 Comments (0)  



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