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I had to send a small item back to Amazon, so I put it in a refrigerator sized box and sent it on its way 
This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home.
You ever get a friend request and be like, “Nah, you look like you steal copper”
100% sure whoever named the sea lion never saw a land lion
Just put the vaccine inside donuts, ok.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.
i’m at the age where I have to stop myself from throat punching people who say they’re sooo old when they turn 30
Can’t figure out if the neighbour’s baby is fussy or they bought a goat.
That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.
Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh
I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.
I'm glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
Values of the woke: Victimizing yourself is powerful, bravery is dangerous, self-responsibility is someone else’s responsibility, reality isn’t real.
There should be a reality TV show where anti-capitalist millennials are questioned about what kind of government they want and then sent to a country that closely resembles their version as closely as possible and forced to live there for a few months.
the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter
I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.
When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help. 