Funny Status Messages

   a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup

   running around robbing banks all wacked on the scooby snacks..!!

   When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones

   Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."

   Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties

   The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

   found Nemo. (Reminder: you have to hold the handle until it's done flushing...)

   Resembles the resemblance of reality.

   having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not hanging around with Damon The Infidel

   going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.

   never killed a man that didn't need killing.

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Share' button.

   watching the news and hearing all the uproar about Gay Marriages and Gay Weddings. Hmmmm..flowers, classical music, people dancing to the Village People and Sister Sledge...Aren't all weddings Gay?

   took the "What should you be doing right now" quiz. And the answer is... WORK !

   When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

   was always taught, "You become what you eat." So he only eat rich foods. He's still waiting...

   sippin on some sizzurp...feeling gangsta!!