Funny Status Messages

   still report writing... X Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

   putting his creative thoughts to use in report writing, how about this one... X has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools

   love is a name, sex is a game, forget the name and play the damn game!

   just saved alot of money on his car insurance by threatening his agent with a golf club!

   You're not invited to the party in my pants because you don't know the difference between your and you're.

   Baghdad has that Boom Boom Boom!

   : Aspire to Inspire before you Expire!

   glad Justin brought sexy back, I didn't mean to scare it away to begin with.

   fake plants died because he did not pretend to water them

   just Googled his Twitter all over your Facebook

   asking you to Learn from your parents mistakes.............use birth control!

   --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.

   One Tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila...FLOOR

   loves the smell of burning rubber, but I really should of told her the condom split

   will write you a love song unlike that Sara Bareilles b**ch

   believes : Early to bed,early to rise.....and your girl goes out with other guys.

   like Houdini . . . uses a lot of trap doors in his acts, but I think i'm just going through a stage.

   stuck in the moment - well it is actually more like wedged. I think I may need an advanced escape maneuver. So glad I have that Special Forces training to fall back on in these situations.....

   going to use this status as a letter to guys. If you use a picture of yourself without a shirt, "flexing" as your profile pic....You're officially a jackass.

   I want a new Drug. One that won't hurt my head. One that won't make my mouth too dry. Or make my eyes too red