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im about as happy as oj after his trial 
loves it when you call me big pappa.
decided to stop listenin to the voices in his head..
swaggin', surfin', and clean like dish detergent!
does not want to be bothered today...just tell everyone I'm hiking on the Appalachian Trail.
on facebook 50 hours a day. And is struggling with maths.
can no longer hula hoop. At least I can still blow bubbles. And to my sicker friends, don't ask who Bubbles is.
wondering what chairs would look like if your knees bent the other way....
Can't find Sesame Street on his GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
This is worse than divorce.. I've lost half of my assets and I still have my wife.!!!!
Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off
I borrowed my friend a tenner yesterday. This morning I found pictures of myself on the frontpage of most national newspaper with the following headline 'UK's third biggest lender'!
loves the jobs you hate!!!!
Now remember, what happens in Vegas stays, in Vegas... Except herpes, that will come back with you.
I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.
everyone knows spiders have eight legs but the also have eight eyes nothing more depressed when a spider crys
saving up to pay the government to incorporate Fridays into the weekend!
thinks that losing someone you love is like losing a limb. You take it for granted when you have it but one day it is gone and you are devastated but you eventually learn to cope without it and then function "normal" again.
if she could sleep her life away, you'd never see her again but the dreams don't stop when she is asleep and the thoughts don't stop when she is awake.
MARRIED: STOP, ok, on my list of things to do in life, getting married is LAST, right after suicide!!! 