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Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy" 
....he bumped his head and went to bed and couldn't get up in the morning.
I hear MJ was on a number of rx drugs, weighed 112lbs, and could barely speak moments before his death. where can I get my wife that prescription?
hopes he can buy Billy Mays beard, that thang is magnificent!
I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act!
counting it down..only 54749 days until Bernie Madoff gets out of Jail.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just discovered that in Wingdings 2, the letters "M" and "J" are a white glove and a black hand. Michael Jackson conspiracy theory number 1...
Old people are so cute...And they smell funny
wondering why do we even update this crap?
Q: What was the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
Michael Jackson requested to be buried at sea…between two buoys.
doesn't drink at the fountain of knowledge. He/She just gargles.
says the show must go on...please move on...enough of michael jackson in my news feed...
funeral directors are facing a hard decision on whether they should cremate, bury or recycle Michael Jackson
"another Celebrity just went KABOOM!". Will tell you who it is for just $19.95, here's how to order.
says if silence is golden, then no more Billy Mays is priceless.
Ed, Farrah, Michael, and now Billy Mays? WTF Hollywood!!!
thinks it is just about time for people to get off their dead asses and start looking into all of the corn that Jimmy has been cracking.
would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 