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wearing nothing but a smile 
wonders, If walking is supposed to be so good for you, why does my mailman look like Jabba The Hut? I'm just sayin'!
starting to agree with the voices in his head......
asks that you please refrain from posting sexist status messages. Seriously, broads HATE that! . . .
I read that smoking is bad so I stopped smoking, I read drinking is bad so I stopped drinking, I read that sex is bad so I stopped reading.
wonders if people in France say "Pardon my English" when they swear..
has been watching a lot of these prison shows on TV and is wondering why you never see any midgets in prison? Is it because they get much shorter sentences?. . .
thinks the best part about his job is that his chair spins!
seriously needs a speed bump between his brain and his mouth!
wondering if i'm updating my facebook status now, then who is watching the hostages?
wants to remind everyone that tomorrow at 5 minutes and 6 seconds past 4 the time and date will be 4:05:06 07/08/09.
planning a night he can't remember!
not on speaking terms with his/her liver.
wants a Sunggie made out of ShamWow material
says, Seriously, If you piss me off one more time she'll be forced to give you a papercut in front of Jasper!
( . )Y( . ) Boobies!!
the guy that put the laughter in manslaughter...
if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. .....
wonders if you can bring sexy back without a reciept.
i haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. 