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Rise and shine Billie Joe Armstrong... It's October! 
It's only cheating if you get caught. Well, if you never get caught, you're stuck in two meaningless relationships.
fixed a $2 toy with an $8 tube of glue. Because the rules of economics don't apply to parenthood.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
I get drunk and bid on ebay!
I finally got my wireless internet to work...this is the best thing to happen to me since the negative pregnancy test...
Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"
If I ever go blind, I'm going to set up my entire house with strobe lights. That will really freak out my neighbors.
I'm not a fan of Keebler cookies, or for that matter, anything else made by dirty elves in an unsanitary hollowed-out tree factory
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
A woman's work is never done. Which is probably why they don't make as much.
playing Words With Foes
Why do people keep telling me I need a positive attitude? I'm already positive I have an attitude.
...is now awesome. earlier I was just pretty damn amazing :)
Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.
full of whimsical f*ckery
what you would call an "Anit-Hero"
a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.
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