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Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer? 
I don't care what my boss says, according to this fortune cookie I will soon get a promotion at work.
Who needs a ladder, when you have a chair...and some toes.
thinking of practicing random acts. Curb your excitement and hold your applause, I never said they were going to be "of kindness"...just random.
I don't brag at all because I'm just that wonderful.
I wish comicbook disguises worked in real life. A pair of glasses would open some many possiblities for me.
each one of my 6 personalities has its own Facebook page.
I thought about plugging my computer keyboard into my music system, but realized that would be stereotyping.
if it looks, walks and talks like a duck but it smells kinda fishy, it's probably a Democrat trying to keep their office...
Animal planet really makes it hard for me to enjoy The Lion King. =(
Love is like wildflowers; It's often found in the most unlikely places, take the brothel for instance.
Every path has its puddle; where as, every Cosby has his pudding.
my nephew thought my Ex-girlfriend was part of the X-men...So I replied "no nephew, she just look like a Beast".
life is really not that hard; consider the daffodil....While you are doing that, I will steal your wallet.
an apple a day will keep the doctor away; so will the lack of health insurance.
liquor and ugly can only go so far... Would you like a paper bag?
Just herd the cast of Jersey Shore is going to Italy next season...That's great!!! I hope they stay there. -_-
A penny saved is obviously the result of a government oversight.
it's ridiculous how ghetto people or illiterate people for that matter confuse Barack Obama with Baraka from Mortal Kombat II...
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day! 