Funny Status Messages

   I want you to be you, but when you being you affects me being me, that's when I have a problem with us being us.

   no matter the outcome of tonights game big ben will still have time to corner a 20 year old in the bathroom after

   Dear Egypt, please don't destroy the pyramids. We won't rebuild. - The Jews.

   DEAR FACEBOOK, TODAY WOULD BE A GREAT DAY TO PUT A DISLIKE/I HATE THE STEELERS/GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE STEELERS FAN "BUTTON" Thank you - 95% of the county, hell Canada too....

   the longest yard is that space between me and the nacho dip

   haw-yee! Said the dyslexic cowboy.

   snowblowing from his driveway into his keeping me awake with music neighbor's driveway.

   Its not the snow, its the shoveling that will get ya.

   Just once I'd like the ref to say "Heads you live, Tails you die" before the coin toss.

   The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

   Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.

   I don't watch the 10 hr pregame show. My guess it gets to point where they analyze what flavor Gatorade each team will be serving and why.

   I hate it when you accidentally scrub a Healing wound cuz you forgot its there.

   superbowl-- the only time I actually look forward to watchin commericals.. .

   you know your getting old when you hurt yourself sleeping

   Thanks for posting those pics. Are you trying to seduce me?!

   School taught me one thing i'll never forget..........how to text without looking

   reading the latest edition of Better Homes & Gardens while wearing a Mexican wrestling mask.

   "Lets eat Grandpa" - "Lets eat, Grandpa" - Moral of the story? Commas save lives......

   I can't completely hate on Valentine's Day since its ending signifies the beginning of Cadbury Egg season, one of the greatest seasons EVER!