Funny Status Messages

   I've perfected the art of the “You're telling me a story that I don't care about, but I'm trying to look interested” face.

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

   nothing scares a teacher "quite" like a person who can't spell.

   I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at statuses all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway.

   I cut my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.

   Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes out their mouth is sh!t.

   Nothing scares the government quiet like an educated citizen...

   What happens in Vegas end up on Facebook

   If young girls ruled the world there would be no wars. They would be too busy obsessing about Twilight and Justin beiber to do anything violent.

   Just saw Dianna Ross on Oprah, wow I don't think I'll ever get an erection again

   They should just put a big ol' "Fu** You!" sign up beside the gas prices at the gas station...

   A smart man just marries the right woman, even if it does take him years to find her.

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   Some people treat their body like a temple. I treat mine like a cookie jar.

   Scr*w you recommended serving size. You don't know me

   A SMART WOMEN spends all her husbands Money so he cannot Remarry, A SMART MAN makes more than his Wife can SPEND!!!

   Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.

   I was googled Whine of the month club, and Wisconsin came up.

   Eskimos supposedly have 52 words for snow. That's weird, so does Charlie Sheen.

   The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...