Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   thinks its cool for a guy to have sex with his female teacher. Unless he's home schooled.

   if you take more than 2 minutes to repond in our chat, I shall assume I'm not high on your chat priority list and X out.

   There are three types of people in this world: Those that get math and those that don't.

   Bruno mars is catching grenades and Taio Cruz is using dynamite, well it's obvious they've been playing COD..#blackops

   Like if you dont think ..3x-7y+(1/2)b.. really gonna help you in life?

   Ever wonder why the ceilings of churches are so high? To make one feel less invaluable and intimidated...

   According to the “you snooze you lose” principle, insomnia makes us winners.

   thinks the best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?

   Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...with a funnier status.

   wants to thank Starbucks CEOs for now offering severely addicted customers, like myself, a bathtub-sized cup. Awesome!

   wonders how many times he should ignore his girlfriend telling him she put her tampon in the wrong hole?

   doesn't get drunk - I get awesome!

   took the red pill and woke up broke in Vegas. Thanks Morpheus.

   Apparently, saying "grande" in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.

   opportunity always involves some risk..but didnt expect it to robb me..

   I like my women like I like my beer.... gone when I'm finished!

   Each day gives you an opportunity to change something in your life. I use that opportunity to change my underwear.

   Patience is like urine, sooner or later you may loose it!

   Youre never too old to learn something stupid

   Lady Gaga is really Marilyn Manson after 10 years of hormone therapy