Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A man walks into a library and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology".

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month, but all my Facebook friends changed their status' for an hour and now he's going to live a long and fruitful life.

   Has anyone Sheen my drugs?

   wondering why when you type facebook on facebook it underlines it red as if to say you spelled it wrong. Seeeee, it did it again!! Twice!! I found the "glitch" in the Matrix..Woot

   Never open a email with the attachment " Charlie Sheen footage". It's not a virus or anything,but lets face it, we've all had enough of that idiot lately.

   Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective.

   When I was growing up, it was just called "the changing of the seasons"

   I ate half a dozen cans of beans today all for nothing. Was I ever embarrased when I found out it's "Fat Tuesday" and not "Fart Tuesday"

   : the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type

   thought he was my knight in shining armor, but it turned out he was just some retard in aluminum foil

   They say talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cat instead.

   watching this fly as it keeps flying into the window........................heh heh heh.......stupid fly

   Were in the second week of March and the CUBS are already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.....lmao

   embarrssed when I think how immature I used to be. However that was in my younger days so I shouldn't be too hard on myeself. I said 'hard on' hahhahahahahaha

   I think I just hit the wrong button on the TV remote at the hotel. Its one of those 9.99 dollar PPV with some really talented ladies. Hmmm, My boss won't believe I did it by accident. Oh well, might as well at least get my monies worth...

   Caught myself singing to Lady Gaga - Born this Way, while shaving my legs. Lmfao

   I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...and don't care!

   You dont have to believe in the goverment, to be a good American, you just have to believe in your country.

   you notice how every new movie that comes out is labeled as "the #1 movie in america" they should stop with that, cause its getting old!