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When someone tries to shoot at Colonel Gadaffi,do his bodyguards need to shout 'Gadaffi duck' ????? 
I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)
I just found out there is an "acceptable" amount of radioactive iodine in water.
for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, call your friends, and brag about it!
the blue book value on my car just tripled...I filled the gas tank!
It's ok to crack your knuckles, just don't knuckle your crack
I'd mind my own business if yours was a little less interesting
If girls think giving birth is hard try playing call of duty on a laggy server
Copy and paste this as ur status, send it to 3 people in 10 minutes, absolutely nothing will happen! It works! Ive done it twice and both times nothing happened!
Happiness isn't getting what you love, it's loving what you get...
“I'm Single ” doesn't mean ” I'm looking for somebody “, just thought you should know.
I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying “there's one.”
Today, it took 473 licks to get to the center of my Tootsie Pop. You're welcome, World.
LOVE ~ It's a special kind of stupid.....
WARNING: As of today - Facebook will start dragging the Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings>Planetary Settings>Trajectory then UNCLICK the box that says 'Apocalypse'.
I bought a goldfish... named it after my ex-girlfriend and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this Chick that's trying to get him fired for allegedly giving her "Inappropriate Massages" in the Office, or so she claims. I told her "Good Luck Honey: I Don't Even Work Here!!"
taking a nap.... and not giving it back.
for more info on lung cancer, keep smoking..
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
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