Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.

   Every girl has 3 guys in her life: one she loves, one she hates, and the one she can't live without. But in the end, it's the same guy!

   Girls have a bad habit of holding on for too long. Guys have a bad habit of letting go too easily.

   Single guys need to get a fake ring. I've been hit on more in the last year since I have been married than in a LONG time. You women are scandalous, making me buy a bigger memory card for my contact list and all. Geesh!!!

   Mutton Chops will never go out of style in my eyes.

   It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.

   There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.

   Today is National Marijuana Day. A day when…uh…wow, Wolf Blitzer is SO funny.

   NEWS FLASH: 2 air traffic controllers fired for sleeping on the job, someone might want to wake them up to tell them the news.......

   The best part about fighting is the make uo sex? Well, unless that argument involves your parents.

   I watched Abc's show 'Happy Ending'....totally not what I expected. It was a regular show. WTF! haha!!!!(mood:cheated)

   sometimes I fill my blow up doll with helium so she plays hard to get.

   Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mu-FASA

   If you google “MySpace” your computer will ask “Are you serious right now?”

   Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some crap for Farmville.

   Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did.

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook

   Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends.

   I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...