Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I want to live in a house with secret passageways and one of those revolving walls that you have to pull out a book to open.

   Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!

   70% of my FB friends think I am being disingenuous when I say I find it funny that they "like" my posts. The other 30% are Googling "disingenuous"...

   Thinking about getting a tattoo of an arrow pointing to my farmer tan that reads "I work"

   UGLY = [U]nderstand [G]od [L]oves [Y]ou

   it did not taste like chicken at all

   I can't wait for the next Daniel Radcliffe movie, where he will play "the guy played by the kid who used to be Harry Potter in this new movie that no one will see."

   the feeling of getting an email with an attachment

   to the guy who keeps posting with such enthusiam about his wife's mum, might be better off spending time looking into your own gene pool first

   I'm watching a special on how William wooed Kate with his cooking skills. Good for him. If I was in his position, my wooing program would only consist of . . . you know I'm going to be king someday."

   Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.

   99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.

   After I won my divorce trial I FEDexd my ex-wife's attorney a consolation prize of a broom and a witches hat.

   It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.

   Can someone text me a donut?

   Love is never wrong...Especially when that love is between two young carefree ladies who have wandering hands and a deep curiosity for experimentation with Coprophagia, a little Cyclic vomiting syndrome and a cup...Yea that's some real love :)

   The worst kind of human contact is "eye contact through that crack in a bathroom stall when you're pulling up your pants" contact.

   Stop chasing him. Stop turn around and see who's chasing you

   i wish I was a white crayon , So no one could use me

   Have you notice "racecar" backwards is a "racecar"