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"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam 
Looting continues across the country. Police report no work boots stolen yet.
To the austronauts left for space today, can you bring back another planet?
So riots are part of phase one of the reopening?
Stealing TVs
and looting stores
is NOT justice.
Congratulations to the astronauts
that left Earth today.
Good choice.
On the bright side,
All the rioters are wearing mask.
A Short Story: Once upon a time, a man asked a woman to marry him. She said no and they lived happily ever after.
Time to take off you Hoser. God speed Bob and Doug Mckenzie
The most unrealistic part of The Harry Potter books is that teenage boys have an invisibility cloak but aren’t constantly using it to watch the girls of Hogwarts when they are naked in the showers.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.
"Alloweth me, I shan't be damned To probe around your lovely clam." - Spongebob Shakespeare
Wats d difference between Las Vegas n Wuhan..wat happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
No mask on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place.
Freddie Mercury,
Arguing on social media never changes anyones minds. Change my mind
That moment when you're tired and sleepy, and you drag yourself to bed but then your brain says, "Ha ha, just kidding!" I hate that.
I've got no status update right now. But thanks for taking the time out to read this status update about not having a status update!
Just when I'm happy to be alive, The Connors comes on.
Just when I'm feeling proud to be an American, The Connors comes on. 