Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I read a caption in the paper the other day. The caption read, "In the time it takes you to finish reading this sentence, 20 people will have died of hunger." How the hell do they know how fast I read? I had to read it again. I killed 40 f*cking people.

   Thank you: hard shell tacos, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking the the moment I put something inside you.

   When some of these big girls wear them high heels, they should also put a warning sign thats says; "CAUTION: ABNORMAL LOAD"

   I joke around a lot .... but when I'm serious I'm serious cuz seriousness is the serious way to deal with serious seriosities seriositating in the seriousosphere. Seriously.

   Most of the people in our generation are stupid because we had to grow up watching Elmo.

   This week is Nude Recreation Week, in related news today is Cheer Up The Lonely Day and World Population Day. I think this is an excellent combination because if you play it right you can celebrate all 3 at one time!

   A dog made out of diamonds would be everyone's best friend.

   I smashed my car into a bus stop full of people last night. I got away with a broken arm. Don't know whose but it's mine now!

   Admit it, once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed.

   If I become president, I will put weight restrictions on skinny jeans and short shorts. Vote Me 2012!!!

   My girlfriend goes out and buys me 12 underwear of the same color. I said, "Why in the hell did you buy all of them in the same color? People will think I never change them." My girlfriend: Which people? :\

   Someday I hope to live in a city where the police DUI checkpoiints allow style points.

   When your computer asks "Are you sure?", it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions you've made.

   I find those "No shirt, no shoes, no service" signs very misleading because they never say anything about having to wear pants. Apparently, I was wrong... now gotta go to court on Thursday...

   Sitting in the theater, ready to watch the move then BAM!!! The human giraffe decides to sit in front of you!

   This beer just accepted my friend request!

   Tech has ruined my ability to spell! Now when I'm typing a multi-syllable word & that red squiggly line DOESNT appear, I start questioning the intellect of my computer. Saying I just assume the spelling of that word is wrong, so wheres the red oh wise one

   I hate it when someone starts telling me something, but they end up saying "nevermind."

   You may call it "alcohol abuse" but I've never heard the alcohol complaining.

   *1 friend request* (250 mutual friends) “…I still don't know you ...