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When humans mutilate and dismember each other in movies it's Rated R, but apparently when Autobots and Decepticons do it it's PG-13. 
Hey Harry Potter fans: If you stay to the end of the credits, there is a footage of J.K.Rowling rolling around in a pile of money, then snorting it.
No one ever is as good looking as his/her profile pic, and as ugly as his/her driving license.
This really ugly girl asked me earlier... if I thought she was attractive. I didnt want to be mean and I also didnt want to lie. So I thought for a second and told her I thought she was "Wal-Mart Sexy".
Some girls are angels and some are devils smart enough to look like one
Batman. Not because I have to be. Now because I choose to be.
In my next life, I pray Zinggers don't taste so good.
If I have to explain one more time why I'm wearing a cast, I'm writing "Attacked by Ninjas" on it!
Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal... It makes them soggy and hard to light.
Who ever decided that a 1" mars bar should be called fun size must be stupid .. seriously .. when is anything that is only 1" long fun. I mean come on, you need at least half a dozen to fulfil your needs
(Insert depressing and melancholy observations, complaints and status updates in this box.)
J-Lo's Checklist: ✓Sean Combs ✓Cris Judd ✓Ben Affleck ✓Marc Anthony __Simon Fuller __Randy Jackson __Steven Tyler __Flavor Flav
I wish they made a “no soliciting” sign for the phone!
Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, thew shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed
I don't have pet peeves-I have major psychotic f##cking hatreds!!!
I have washboard abs. They just happen to have a little laundry on them...
OK-all those that believe in psyco kinesis raise my hand
saw Harry Potter at midnight last night. LOL JK, I have a life.
to everyone who sends me request in Farmvillie I'm gonna send you a tree for ur farm so you can hang yourself!!
It has been revealed that Ryan Giggs of Manchester United has been slammin' his brothers wife for 8 years! damn! Talk about brotherly love.
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