Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Netflix is raising their prices again?! This sounds like a job for Hacker Group Anonymous! 
think I will go to the mall and watch people trip on an escalator
We were so enamored that we forgot to check his qualifications
Describe myself in one word? Okay....Handsomesexyintelligentfunny.
they're are moments in life. Moments when you know u've crossed bridge and your old life is over. I'm into action. I have arrived!
How can you tell when your wife is dead? Well the sex is pretty much the same but the dishes start piling up.
My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up.
There aren't any good slogans for condoms because there aren't any themes... Make some Harry Potter ones... "Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets."
You'll never see me on Hoarders because I can't afford that much sh!t.
In our darkest moments we sometimes find a way to shine. Or smash a knee on the corner of a coffee table that you wanna toss into the fireplace.
I got kicked out the pool today,apperently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was
If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired.
Do I have an iPhone? Dude my phone has snake on it, does that answer your question?
At lunch, and just ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.
The person who coined the phrase "Laughter is the best medicine" probably never received Demerol during his hospitalization.
Nothing important, move along....
Told one of my favorite co-workers she drew her eyebrows on a little too high one morning a few years back. I've never forgotten how surprised she looked.
I don't want to brag but if kissing was a city, I would be its mayor.
Can't wait till the movie "colombiana" comes out. She is the real definition of a Bad b!tch....
"It's complicated" just means one person is all for it and the other person is riding the line.
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
