Funny Status Messages

   You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

   Fellas: Silence doesn't always mean your sexual performance left her speechless.

   "I wasn't that drunk" 'Dude, you were in my closet yelling "Where's Narnia"

   Be a fountain, not a drain.

   Strong are those that accept the nothing they get and then mold it into something.

   Mom: I found this condom while I was cleaning your room. Are you sexually active? Girl: No. I just lay there.

   A five year old asked, “Mommy, was daddy ever inside you like I was?” Mommy replied, “Yes, but only for a minute.”

   anyone's Facebook acting strange today? Mine just tried to fondle me....

   Thank god I found the good in goodbye because I went through hell from the moment I said hello.

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumba$$ put my cape on backwards.”

   Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.

   If i'm weird with you, it means I'm comfortable with you.

   Sometimes I can't blame these women for spying, stalking and researching on some of you men. Most of you be LMAO too much. LMAO as in Lying My A$$ Off.

   I discovered a new hidden talent, making women cry.

   Instead of saying, "Happy Birthday!" I'm going to start saying "Happy annual celebration of your successful escape from the womb."

   Ladies: Sometimes it's the mind games you play, that drive him into the arms of another woman.

   Looks like Jay-Z finally found that 100th problem.

   I've missed you so much, I've dreamt about you night after night. I can't believe I've lived without you, I know we will be together soon....Just 3 more days till college football!

   Beyonce is pregnant. She should of put a Nuva Ring on it

   Many admit to being fools for love. But only Foghat had the guts to admit to being fools for the city