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Nothing brings 2 people together faster than the hatred of a 3rd person 
You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.
hopes that all of you are practicing your "Oh my God, I LOVE it!" face? We're getting closer...
It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.
Ghetto Word of the Day: HARASSMENT. Usage: “My wife caught me sleeping with another woman and I said don't worry honey, harassment nothing to me.”
still grounded for being awesome
I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "It's Never Going To Happen"
I'm too sexy for my ex.
I didn't even know Kim Jung was Il.
Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.
How is it that people who think they know everything never know when to STFU?
Grocery stores need a "1 case of beer" check out line.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I'm too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you'll buy drugs if I give you cash."
I hate when I read this post and and don't realize the word ''and'' was said twice.
I am at my most evil and manipulative when I think there is a chance I can get you to buy me a hot air balloon.
Kim Jong II is dead & things aren't looking so hot for his official lookalikes either.
People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.
We sympathize with, but must reject any articles on how to quickly turn a candy cane into a shiv at stressful family gatherings.
It's not technically a hip hop show unless at some point, 9 seemingly random guys are invited on stage to waves their hands for no reason.
I like how none of the "robbers" on that Vonage commercial are black. Way to dodge that bullet, Vonage. 