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"Pay me now Round Eyes" kinda ruins that delightful happy ending moment 
If you spend more time looking in his phone then looking in his heart, You should prolly set your ship sailing.
Russia is going to the moon, we can't even get to the next state with the price of gas
girlscouts suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I'm not any thinner
If you put a ";)"face in a text message, I automatically assume your dtf.
This dude in my neighborhood was laughing at my car. I couldn't take him seriously cause he was riding a ripstick.
to my cheating ass friend...message me, cuz I'm friends with your wife too
uh...to the person who asked for the alibi...your on your own pal...
It's snowing in East London at the moment...First white thing I've seen all day.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
If it doesn't kill you,, you'll learn from it.. If it does kill you,, I'll learn from it
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR's are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
at my high school career day, they demonstrated which cardboard "will work for...." signs were most effective
Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids
The worst part about getting some ass is when your fingers break through the toilet paper.
It's a good thing Apple wasn't in charge of New Year. We'd all be expecting 2012 and get 2011S instead.
Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced.
I'm one of the premiere snugglers of my generation.
I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.
just found out that a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Apparently, I'm not getting ready in a "jiffy" any more. 