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Why do women feel the need to tell us men how to do our jobs?....I had a reason why I didn't pull out! 
Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.
Of course I wanna go to my high school reunion! There's nothing I'd rather do than waste hundreds of dollars and precious vacation days, just to hang with a bunch of people I couldn't stand. And still can't.
air guitar for sale! Any offers?
A whole pot of and three Redbulls.....I can pronounce that symbol that Prince had for his name.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don't have a little brother...
Stacy's Mom-The Music video that lead an entire generation into masturbation.
Watching Linda Barrett exit the pool for the 1363rd time...Doesn't anybody knock anymore!!!
dude, she just called you gay. oh hell no!!! hold my purse!!!
Full Disclosure: I get most of my jokes from a 13 year old Amish kid named Caleb.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver.
Bro she just called you blind! OH HELL NO! Where is she?
Girls, just because you're on your period doesn't mean your timeline needs to be too.
My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs.
Dude, she just called you a Mexican... Oh hell no, hold my taco.
Women with 50 pairs of $500 shoes but no 5-year plan will never be sexy.
First Rule of Business: Stay the hell out of mine!
The 4 most popular words after sh!tty sex: “I cheated for this?”
I'll rather slip and fall in sh!t than fall in love with you!
I wish the string on my weedeater had a Hollywood clip. 