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Just to be on the safe side, people should probably stop wearing hoodies, and also be white. 
thinks my three “uh huhs” in a row should prove that I haven't heard a word you said!
When I die, I have made my husband promise to update my FB status with “Who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?!?”
Facebook: where pushing like to everyone's 'happy birthday' wish is a thank you.
Apparently Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together" said Fabrice.....
The criminals on Scooby Doo suck! A bunch of teenage stoners and a DOG just solved your crime. I think you need a new line of work my friend
If women are SOOOOOOOO good at muti-tasking, why cant they have sex and a headache at the same time?
Think befor you speak, Google befor you post !
Adele wrote the last chapter in my life. I believe I will have Katy Perry write the next !
Waiting for Adele to write the next chapter in my life ! Hurry Up times a wasting !
Obama- When we pull our troops out of Afghanistan-its not that we are abandoning you...we will follow you on Twitter
Shopping Cart- The only thing a woman can park.
40% of the men say "I Love You" by accident...the other 60% who do not say that..meet with an accident !
if Mitt Romney is an Etch-A Sketch, then Rick Santorum is a Betsy Wetsy and Newt Gingrich is an EZ Bake Oven.
I've had this bamboo plant on my desk for five weeks and I've yet to catch a single panda. :(
Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!
we have hunger games at work everyday...starts around 11:30
Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks "Is there anything else I can do for you?" whisper "Smile for the camera, I'm watching you" & hang up
On a scale from 1 to 10, how creepy was Slim Goodbody?
My biggest fear is getting stuck in a soundproof glass box. Not because I'd suffocate, but because people might think I'm a mime 