Funny Status Messages

   Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.

   When I'm bored nobody texts me. When I'm busy I'm the most popular person on the planet.

   #CoinStar is guaranteed walk of shame for $10 bucks

   what happened to all the good girls nowadays ? it's like looking water in the desert .

   I find it hard to believe that America is running anywhere on Dunkin'.

   This weekend I got so drunk, my shadow is now in a baby stroller drooling

   Chocolate lovers are thinner, study says. Obviously they did not contact me.

   The last time I tried to just "be myself" I almost got submitted to a Mental Institute.

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   I'm pretty sure my reasoning skills are defective

   I think Michael Bay is trying to ruin my childhood. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are NOT aliens!

   All I need to know is, listening to your girlfriend with both the ears open is multitasking right?

   I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list.

   if I stop using smileys , dude you're in trouble

   Would be a good day to golf but the old trick knee is acting up from the injuries I sustained in my college years as a star quarterback.

   I need to start saving all my ideas for statuses in a Word Document titled "Read This at My Wake" cuz I would just lay there in my coffin and laugh as everyone got up and walked out.

   We live in America where a girl threw flour on Kim Kardashian and was arrested on site. But the man who killed Trayvon Martin is still free.

   every 5 seconds, somewhere on this planet a woman gives birth to a child. I think! We must find this woman and stop her.

   Saw a fat bird at the self checkout in ASDA today. She scanned an item and it started beeping 'Unexpected item in baggage area' - Salad.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.