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To all the SINGLE MEN, GEEKS and Comic Book Nerds//// You lost out on Feb. 14 Valentine's Day.....You lost out on March 14 Steak and BJ Day ....BUT today is YOUR day....HAPPY PALM SUNDAY!!!!!!!!! 
That uneasy moment when you're sitting with the most decent people around you, pretending to get into a comfortable posture by moving back n forth cos your a$$ is itching !!
My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of.
I would say that one day you'll be working for me, but I don't have any intention on running a strip club.
I didn't win the lotto. So I guess I have to return the Lamborghini
Fun Fact of the Day: Of the 236 episodes of the great show "Friends" Jennifer Aniston has 'pokies' in 217 of them.
How is Voldemort supposed to be scary when he has an obsession with a teenage boy?
HER: Oh my god! I lost 2 kilograms! SMARTASS: Great, you finally took off your makeup!
Don't be selfish with your prayers.
I've always wondered why they say count to 10 when you're angry, in that 10 seconds, I could knock them out and be calm
You should know you'll get loud when you start drinking. It says right there on the label, "Alcohol by volume."
I will always cut through a gas station parking lot to avoid a red light.
Women should have an "I'm feeling lucky" button like Google has.
The only thing worse than the “FRIEND ZONE” is the "SHE-THINKS-YOU-ARE GAY-ZONE".
I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
If she high-five you after sex...marry her on the spot.
Oh so your boyfriend cheated on you? But how is every other man on this planet responsible for it?
Maybe that's why Jada left Will...I think she knows Pac is comin' back
Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows. 