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My girlfriend and I are going through a tough period...Its actually her first... 
Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer teh olny oens brililnat ni unscarbmlnig snetneces leki thsi.
I like to close my eyes when I'm kissing a girl...That way the pepper spray doesn't get into my eyes.
I have watched, line by line, as a picture of a topless girl tries to load through a 28.8k modem onto a pentium II -only to see it fail at nipple level
What's 12 inches and makes women wanna have sex? My hunting knife...
I told my wife "you're like a drug to me." "Aww because you're addicted to me?" she said. "No because you're ruining my life" I replied
I learn from the mistakes of others.... Who have taken my advice.
The number one thing on my bucket list; not dying!
I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!
I see this poor old lady slip over on some wet leafs today. Well I think she was poor, she only had £1.50p in her purse.
I eat my peas with honey.. I dun it all my life.. It makes the peas taste funny.. But it keeps them on my knife.
Note to self: Feed lots of Mayo to the tuna first,,,,,,THEN butcher.
4 outta 5 cannibals agree that vegetarians taste better..
The new mouthwash I bought says "24 HOUR PROTECTION ....use twice daily"
Being a single independent person means, you're not dependent to your family and friends too, is that right?!
It's Awkward for men to buy Pads & for women to buy Condoms.
two muffins are sitting in an oven, one turns to the other and says "damn sure is hot in here isn't it?" the other muffin turns and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"
When I'm having a day sometimes I go to WalMart and just smile and show off my teeth.
Try and find me now Sucka!- bread tie
Was thinking about ordering P90X, but I just had to take a knee midway through pouring a glass of sweet tea, so maybe I'll just go lie down instead. 