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Ten should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy... 
Remember, if you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Misery loves Company, whereas Company is just trying to get laid.
I regret getting the vaccine. I am now having too much fun and spending too much money.
My back doesnt start hurting until I put on my work clothes.
One of the reasons I had to retire early is because I ran out family members that died excuses for not coming in to work.
This morning I removed my sleep shorts and put on my boxer shorts and then put on a pair of normal shorts. Worst short story ever...
If you're cold, stand in the corner. It's usually 90 degrees
Being a man means doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. This is my…...sh*t she’s coming. To be continued.
it strange how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how strange it is?
I was going to tell a railroad joke, but I lost my train of thought.
Why did they call them armadillos and not hardvarks.
Everything I know about love I learned from the venus fly trap.
So, you people disrespect restaurant food service workers. You also say $2.13 per hour is too much and if they don't like it they should find another job. Now, your local restaurant is closed. Cry me a river.
Which is your favorite Duran? Duran or Duran?
You know you’re getting old when you’re watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wondering if they get enough vitamin D.
Up for anything unless my gout flares up. – from my dating profile
WAP when I’m involved is likely to be Waffles and Pancakes
Relationship status: My hand told me it has a headache.
I'm smart enough to know the oil prices are due to supply and demand and the pipeline was to carry sludge from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico and had nothing to do with gas 