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I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking. 
Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.
Dear Facebook: Stop suggesting people I may know. Yes I know them. But I don't like them.
Omicron and Delta is an anagram for Media Control.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!
ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!
Burn a body in a crematorium and you're "being respectful". . . Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence".
If you look at "OMICRON," add the letters "SETAGLLIB" and then remove the letters "NORCIMO," the remaining letters spell "BILL GATES." Makes you think, doesn’t it?
If you notice, 2021 backwards is 1202. If you take away the 1 and the 0, you'll have 22. It doesn't mean anything but thanks for reading.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn't easy...
The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.
I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road
My worst fear of getting older is chewing for no reason.
You know you need to lose weight when none of your towels fit
The “thank you wave”after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is one thing holding this fragile society together
Her: "I always like YOUR posts, how come you never like MY posts?" Me: "Because I don't like your posts."
My mom has been attending her own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.
Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles are 50 years old. The first WOKE cereals ever.
I hate when my wife corrects me,so I said to her "Sarah I want a divorce" she responds with "my name is Debbie"
I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!
