Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. 
Internet explorer 10, because how else will you download Google chrome and Firefox?
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch.
Just bought my " I survived black history month" T-shirt
I waterboard my girlfriends until they tell me what's wrong.
My doctor won't tell me the diagnosis unless I upgrade to Bonus Features.
I miss being late for work because of morning sex. Now, it's because I dress my cat as Gandolph.
I don't realise how hyperactively stupid I'm being until someone imitates me. :)
What did the black duck say to the white duck? What up quacker?
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I don't realise how hyperactivity stupid I'm being until someone imitates me. :)
How the hell does an "aspiring rapper" have a Maserati???
I have finally come to the conclusion that it's not the drink that causes hangovers. It's the sleep.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Weekend forecast: feasting, imbibing and severe debauchering!
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
I'm not ashamed of my vices. They're good friends actually. They bring great joy!
Everything happens for a reason. That's why I drink to everything!
If you're an influential person but you do not help anybody, you're ignorant. 