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I'm going to be nice in describing the woman eHarmony matched me up with. Since it occupies the area in front of the head, it must be a face. 
It's so cold in Manhattan even Iggy is freezing.
You know it's just a matter of time before Corporations pay to put product placement in the NFL games.... Peyton makes an audible "Omaha... Steaks, Heinz 57, Century 21, Pizza Hut Hut."
Craigslist--the site where I can find anything, until I actually want to buy something....
We all have that one friend we used to do all sorts of crazy stuff with but they suddenly flipped the script and became a born again Christian and now feel awkward hanging out with them because we don’t know what to talk about.
I hope both teams lose.
I'd rather have six more weeks of winter than six more weeks of Obama.
Guys who say, "We're only dating her and not yet married so why should I pay her bills" need to be reminded that sex is a 'marriage privilege'
After 7 kids I got a vasectomy... Happy Valentines day darling you don't have to get that hysterectomy
Now that's news! That poor rat was yanked out of his mailbox this morning and predicted that all the people watching in the cold were idiots.
The first rule of chess club: If you've ever seen a boob you're the hero of chess club.
love how music takes you away to another place... For example, RobinThick is playing at this bar, so now I’m going to another bar.
Hello and welcome to DeVry orientation.. Sign-in sheets are on the left, Steve is passing out your diplomas,,, thanks & congrats class of 10:47.
Super Bowl Sunday: when people talk over the game and shut up during commercials. Go USA
Oh the irony of these ugly and fat mother’s insisting and demanding that their sons only marry a woman who is beautiful and slender.
It is becoming clear to me that the North beat the South in the Civil War by shooting fake snow at them out of cannons.
someone to love and someone that loves me. and it would be awesome if they were the same person for once
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov't gets $40...
Who's birdbrained? They flew south while we are freezing are asses off in this polar vortex
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am. 