Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life sucks, But sometimes you get to have sex, And sometimes you get to drink beer.

   Gay and ugly, its not a good combination. And you want to compete with women for men?

   Love can be such a beautiful torture...

   Everytime you tweet something with a typo in it, someone gots a degree from the University of Phoenix

   Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.

   Just found a message in a bottle..... It read,, "Whatever you do, just don't tell Sting where I am."

   "And that's why we can't have nice things." *me looking at my pay check

   I feel like I forgot something when I left the house today.... Pants. It was definitely pants.

   Get out of my glass, and get into my mouth - talking to vodka.

   "As seen on tv": Get two pieces of crap that don't work for the price of one.

   Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!

   I talk to my car, just in case it's a transformer.

   He died by boldly going where no man has gone before by telling her that her shoes were ugly. R.I.P.

   I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah's Fitness.

   I'd totally marry you, but Walmart doesn't have a ring in your size.

   Well done, you are popular on Social Media. Sorry about the rest of your life.

   I tried being myself once... I got arrested.

   Relationship status: still making mix tapes.

   You had me at "there's no security cameras."

   I dreamt I had a sh*tty life. I woke up and I have sh*tty life. So dreams do come true, kids.