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All the brain dead idiots that watch and listen to FOX news must be pretty pissed they haven't been able to marry their 1st cousion yet.....or their goat. 
My GF said I don't listen to her. Or something like that...
"Your career could be in jeopardy" ~ Alex Trebek's agent in 1984
when you're married, everybody looks good to you.
I never know what to say to pregnanant women so I just say, "I like to screw too"
Wife: Wanna have sex? Me: Sure, a quickie or do you want the full 2 minutes?
I bet the first person to see a sun set was all like, "well... this ain't good"
"Drink Responsibly?".... LOL, Responsibility is WHY I drink.
Two in the blue, one in the poo. ~ How to give Smurfette a shocker.
"Herrreee kitty, kitty, kitty" ~ Me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon.
Now that you've won your right to marry, ya think we could get a couple colors back. I mean, the whole rainbow... seariously?!?!
Jesus had two dads and he seemed to turn on just fine.
My ex told me to grow a pair of balls, but I'm growing petunias for my garden instead.
The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULlcrap.
Did you hear that? That was a g@y man farting without his butplug.
I'm old but not "Change to Channel 3 to play video games" old.
Will E.L. James' next book be called "Fifity Shades of Gay"?
Accompanied by girlfriend to a special screening of "Magic Mike XXL" last night. The nudity....The foul language.... The ladies screaming at the top of their lungs. And that was just me standing in line for popcorn....
FLASH floods are just regular floods except they show you their junk!
Watching 50 Shades of Grey and O.M.G. My playroom Looks. Exactly. Like. That! 