Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Gonna miss my Obamaphone when He's gone .... But looking forward to my new Hillaryphone upgrade with the new Self Deleting Email, Welfare Check tracking & Get outta Jail Free features. She has thought of everything that us successful Millennials need!!
←Rate | 07-06-2016 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hold your horses is my favourite thing to say to people who don't even have horses.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "your mother" is my response whenever someone talks to me in a language I dont understand.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a militia we wouldn't occupy a federal building, we would occupy a Krispy Kreme.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just added "CLINGY" to my dating resume.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some guy called my girlfriend "ma'am" so now everybody's night is ruined.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Confession: I ate all my hurricane snacks during the first two hours of the storm and I'm probably not the guy you want on your apocalypse team....
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say NO! to drugs. Say YES! to drugs. It really doesn't matter what you tell drugs because if you're talking to drugs, you're taking them.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's nice having dogs that continuously warn me about the nothing outside.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love to use the Ouija board to pester my dead girlfriends.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return and just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't vaccinate your kids they'll grow up to be Vegan CrossFitters with a gluten allergy.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sat through half of 'Pitch Perfect' with my wife and daughter before realizing it wasn't a movie about baseball.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My puppy is afraid of shirts, ice cream trucks, blankets that vaguely take human shape, and boxes, but has no problem with fireworks.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What winter jacket brand is best if I'll be spending the months of July and August in the Corporate Office Building?
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not saying that I have commitment issues, but my favorite part of Forrest Gump is when he just keeps running.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please remember if their online dating profile photo is iffy that's the best one out of all the photos ever taken of them.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The FBI owes General David Petraeus an apology. Heck ... What's good for the Goose ... is also good for the Gander.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 23:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So ..... FBI Director James Comey Sure Has Changed his views a Lot Since He Prosecuted Martha Stewart hasn't he … Folks ... Do some research and check it out.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 22:58 Comments (0)  



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