Funny Status Messages

   meteor showering with Axe shower gel.

   Doesn't understand an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet. How limber do you have be to blow into the thing?

   ‎5 Words for us MAN to live by, "NEVER MAKE A WOMAN ANGRY."

   You're dating my ex? I ate a sandwich earlier, you want those leftovers too?

   Remembering how easy life was in kindergarten. As long as you had the biggest box of crayons and the coolest lunch box you ruled the school......

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   A fake smile on your friend's face is more evil than a sword in your enemy's hand.

   If you love someone, then you have to let them go. If they come back, then they're meant for you, but if they don't, then you stalk them

   The best feeling i've ever had is making someone laugh after crying

   A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!"

   People always mean 50% of what they say when they are joking. "You are 200% idiot!" Don't get angry, I was joking!

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   'Beautiful women make us buy beer, ugly women make us drink beer'

   What do you mean push #1 for English???

   saw Inception earlier....now I am spinning things on my desk to see if maybe I am dreaming.

   Grab your balls..... We're going bowling!

   Fat people are hard to kidnap!..

   4:19 almost there... just one more minute..

   50% single...

   I don't have A.D.D.. you're just boring me.