Funny Status Messages

   For english please press uno. WTH is going on here

   being defiant and popping his microwave popcorn with the "This Side Up" facing down. BITE ME REDEHBACHER!

   Dolphin position?... it's when your having sex doggy style and you go too put it in her ass and she turns around and goes eh eh eh eh.

   My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.

   wasted away again in Margaritaville

   Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

   If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?

   Ya think Vampires eat Tampons like Cotton Candy????

   Facebook is the ultimate weapon of couples' distraction and relationships' destruction

   Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time, just to see if it's all worth it in relationship that we have..

   The one thing I hate about touch screen phones is the fact that you'll find yourself wiping them more then your ass.

   Life will always be like a roller coaster ride! Make sure your seatbelt is fastened and hold on tight because its full of thrills, screams, chills, fear, excitement, tears, laughter, joy, anxiety, and the will to do it all over again! "Life I tell ya!"

   Life is full of secrets and lies, so when you get screwed over, don't act surprised.

   I hate it when someone text me to call them, then when you call they never answer

   Go ahead 'like' my day!

   Amazon always recommends me the things I bought, I mean dude why would I want the same or similar thing again

   Fantasia over doses on asprin, called a home wrecker by cheating with a married mand and even made a sex tape... FINALLY, a celebrity sex tape I will not watch HAHAHA!!

   if your happy and you know it click you "like".........

   I've used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I'm calling in dead. lol

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!