Funny Status Messages

   wondering what they are saying behind my back

   The WHO has declared the flu pandemic officially over. It's good news but I'm not sure I trust Roger Daltry.

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   How come Batman doesn't sleep upside down?

   Star Wars: A very long time ago but somehow still in the future

   I don't take drugs. I'm not even an athlete

   There's a little Truth behind every JK, a little Curiosity behind every JW, a little Knowledge behind every IDK, and a little Emotion behind every IDC

   As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.

   Judge has got a stutter so it doesn't look like I'm getting a sentence.

   Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.

   I wasn't born or thrust into greatness; I just had the tools and a choice...

   If I don't appear to be listening to you, don't take it personal. I am just not interested in what you're saying.

   Sharkweek is over, jackass. Humming the theme song to 'Jaws' when the boss is approaching our aisle is no longer funny.

   was just thinking if God didn't want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter…maybe thats why the Trex was always so angry?

   found $20 under my bed ! my God, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED

   I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...

   dont waste your time , because time is money, and money is awesome , so dont waste your awesome

   For every LIKE I receive. I shall drink one Jager-Bomb (Jagermeister + Redbull)

   Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up.Where are you? You're on Facebook, r